Ain't NO Love

Currently Listenting to :: Heart Of The City (Ain't No Love) :: Jay-Z, The Roots and Jaguar Wright

Lately I've been reading a lot about this whole Jay-Z MTV Unplugged thing in the Okayartist section of Okayplayer.com, and a lot of love and hate has come out of it. It's quite an interesting read...one of the leaders of the underground hip-hop nation doing an album with Mr. Bling Bling? Admittedly, the majority of Okayplayers weren't too happy with the collabo, but it's that classic arguement between under and overground, real heads and sell outs.

Still, listening to this track shows how good a collabo like this can be; I may not agree with the rest of the stuff, but DAMN I can't stop replayin this track...

Life has been pretty quiet of late; called up TAFE today, planning to enroll in some Mandarin course for this year...keep me in touch for the trip to (hopefully) the Mainland and Taiwan at the end of this year...I'm looking toward gradutaion already _grin_ On a different note, working late back at uni the other night, my publication team and I (all 3 of us) got into another "discussion" about the whole white male, asian female issue.

Ooooh...

Let's not get defensive now people. This is nothing new, and people are gonna keep goin on about this for a long time. And the answers are not here. What I'm referring to is this article we got for the Mosaic 2002 publication, aptly entitled "White Meat Cravings". My co-editor Erny in fact warned me about it before I read it, even going so far as to try to not tell me who wrote the piece. Well, that didn't last long, and once I read it, and found out who wrote it, I was half laughing, half ready to explode...

The article basically tried to justify the woman in questions predelection for caucasian males. Now, what got me the most upset was not the message per se, but how she went about it. In short, it went along the lines of how we Asian males are possesive, how we use money to 'buy' our girlfriends, how Asian females have "moved on" while Asian males are still stuck in the past, and lastly implied how Asian culture just doesn't 'cut it' when held next to white culture.

_exhale_

Mixed couples are a reality in this 'multicultural' society of Sydney, Australia; I know, because I have friends who are in mixed relationships, I have a sister who likes white guys, and yes, my first girlfriend was white. What gets me though is how people try to use all sorts of excuses to justify their views. If you like the look of a race, if you're attracted to white skin, or you dig on Asian features, it's all good.

But like the article, try to tell me how all Asian guys 'buy' their girlfriends and expect 'owndership' because they spend money, and I'll tell you to open your so called open mind. DON'T come at me and try to streotype in attempts to justify. That's like someone trying to say that looks don't matter when it comes to first impressions.

If it's about looks, then say it. Stand by your choise. Be a woman.

Oh, you not feelin' me?
Fine, it cost you nothing,
Pay me no mind... - Jay-Z

The Now Sound of My Mind

Currently Listening to :: Samba da Bencao :: Bebel Gilberto

I've been sitting in front of a computer so much these days, it's a wonder I can even blog this right now. Working how to use Macs can be a bit frustrating at first for a very PC person like myself, but it's slowly coming...working how to use Photoshop and Quark Xpress at the same time has also been kewl; the learning process has been tiring, yet at the same time exciting. Compared to writing I'm teetering on baby steps, but it's great getting that creative buzz with designing pages.

On the social side of things, I was at a friends combined farewell/21st birthday party at this place called the T-Bar on King Street in the city. Nice place, and with the dress code as dressy, I thought turning up a bit late would be okay...little did I know everyone else had the same plan, so when I turned up half an hour late, I found the place still near empty. Am I missing something? Is half and hour no longer fashionably late? Or do more people run on ADPT (Asian Dance Party Time) than I thought?

Either way, it was a nice night. Saw some friends who I don't normally see, and met some people who I didn't expect to meet! This world is getting smaller by the weekend...and Mooka, if you're reading this, I can't seem to find your site! Mail me the addy, and keep on blogging! Some friends and I had a mini-movie marathon at Kev's house, watching Black Hawk Down, The One and Oceans Eleven.Quick rundown: B.H.D. - solid flick, yet at the end, they make it plainly obvious that the death of over a thousand Somalians is almost but not quite equivalent to the the death of 19 US troops; as a friend pointed out, Somalia didn't make the movie. The One If making Buddhist movies means he'll stop making these types of movies, I can't wait to see Jet Li's first non-violent flick. O-11 Slick, slick, slick. I didn't get the ending tho...but did I mention it was slick?

Hmmm...reading the news of late has been so depressing, that I've been trying to stay away from it, but in some sort of sick, twisted way, I can't help but read more and more. Enron. Woomera Refugees.

"A real Australian is by my definition an immigrant. Our ancestors had no idea where they were, and it seems to me that they have much in common with the frightened people in Woomera,'' Peter Carey, a New York-based Australian writer.

Media bans meant to "protect" detainees? Reporters arrested? What the hell is going on? Meanwhile, the Enron situation is reading more and more like a trashy novel that's got me hooked. Sex and lies, enough lawsuits to fill a season of The Practice, and let's not forget a dash of death either.

I've often wondered why the news is always so negative. I mean, it's not like our lives are so good that we need something to balance us. I'm beginning to think that it's because we either want to feel secure in the knowledge that there are people worse off than us, or we are just suckers for a sensationalism. Maybe we can't help ourselves.

Maybe it's just the truth.

But don't mind me...I'm rambling...Post. Publish. Shut Down. Sleep....

Harimanow's Twelve

Currently Listening to :: Sha Tan (Suite Blue Moon) :: David Tao

_sigh_

Why are things always better in the mourning? Who knows, but I've always been an advocate of sleeping your problems away. If you wake up the next morning and your heart is still heavy, then you know you have issues. If not, then things can't be that bad can they?

This morning I woke up, and realised I needed to start writing. Things can't be that bad..._wry grin_.

The weekend was hectic, with clubbing, my dad's b'day, and work. Still, higlight of the weekend was spending Saturday afternoon in Tumbalong Park, discussing how a group of thirteen of us going under the name of Mango Pudding Productions can get a play that Christian has written off the ground. A play centred on relationships, it covers a lot of aspects, and from I've read, is quite entertaining. It manages to strike a chord with my past experiences and melancholy side...more on it as its features develop.

If I were stranded somewhere about 5m squared, surrounded by water and with only one coconut tree, one of the things that I'd have with me besides my CD player would be this album Taoism, by David Tao. As I've mentioned before, I always seem to buy albums long after they've been released. As I've also mentioned before, so much in life is timing. I always seem to be one step behind when it comes to most things; my natural shyness means that riding waves makes me uncomfortable, and so I end up wading in off the beach alone. And I wonder why I'm alone in so many things!

Seriously tho, this is an album that I've kept coming back to ever since I bought it at the end of 2000, and in my opinion, is the best Mandarin album I own. If I were to make an album (oh, and if I had a strong voice and a record deal of course), this is the type of album I'd make, which is why it is my favourite album. Sure, he's not as flashy as Jay Chow, as cool as Zhang Zhen Yue, and he's not hao SHUAI! like Aaron Kwok, but he's the kind of ge xing I'd aspire to be...

But, you've got to work with what you've got, right?

Quater Life What?!!?!

Currently Listening to :: Virtual Insanity :: Jamiroquai

I'm not sure if it's just me, but I seem to be getting this one e-mail forwarded to me a lot these days. Sure I've seen it before, and forwards are no stranger (my hotmail box was abandoned due to fowards), but to get the same forward about 4 times in the last few days...if I were a gambling or supersticious man, I would have placed some bets already. But since I'm not, I'm going to think that someone is trying to tell me something...

Ben!! You're Quarter Life Crisis Has ARRIVED!!!!

WHAT? Sounds like one of those other forwarderd e-mails promising to solve my tax problems or provide with free online sexual material. Or at least a packaged problem (solver). Hmm...while it may be tempting to get myself income tax breaks so I can afford to pay for online porn subscriptions, this mail is actually one of those forwards that makes you sit up and think Well, I sat up and thought about it the first time, but every time I get it now, seems like people are thinking, "Hey, maybe Ben could use this mail."

Well, I'm thinking, "Where the _HELL_ were you with this thing about a year ago?"

To be fair, the e-mail was quite on point, and I found myself thinking more than once, "yeah, that's so true." The mail is actually quite long, so short of breaking down my thoughts here, perhaps you should read it first. Let your doam roam and mail me, and I'll pass it on. Who knows? Perhaps it's something to get excited about, perhaps it isn't, or perhaps you'll think it's a waste of time reading...either way, it's good news to know you're not alone in your thoughts.

Personally, I think the worst is over...but is realising that I'm not alone make things any more bearable? Remember when that Australian journalist asked the Taliban spokesperson if Australia was included in the Taliban's Jihad on the Western World, like we'd been left out of a game in the playground? Same deal...

Humans can have a funny need for reassurance in numbers...

...even if it doesn't add up.

Losing and Finding

Currently Listening to: On The Radio (Remember The Days) - Nelly Furtado

I've been feelin' Nelly for a long time, and this song makes me think that pop never sounded so good...

I took a drive with Miso out to Canley Vale tonight to have dinner with Fairfield Councillor Thang Ngo and his partner...over a dinner of Vietnamese food (which was like whoa!), we just talked about everything from travelling, to the future, to the Sydney Festival and Mardi Gras, and of course, the culture(s) we live in and grew up in. They are great people to be with; funny, warm, and hospitible. Something that really struck me on the drive home though, and what made the night really enjoyable, was that this has to be one of the few times I've had dinner with people who are older who I don't really know, where I wasn't at some swish bar or restaurant, having to tell them my uni degree, my career aspirations and acting on my best behaviour. And even though we worked out that most things in life are 90% presentation and 10% solid matter, I left my mask at home. And it felt great _smile_

The last few days, I've been trying to focus on my writing, plus this report for my summer school course. Still, I've found time to squeeze in Monsters Inc., which I'm glad I saw instead of changing my life. Nice and funny, nothing too heavy, it was a slick technological wonder, kinda like the shiny new apple on the block. Makes me want to throw the PC out the Windows and learn Mac OS.

Speaking of learning new stuff, I have been writing my Chinese New Years article bit by bit, and I tell you, so much stuff is either starting to make sense, or just falling into place in my memory. It's great...the why of why we eat what we eat, the why of why we do what we do. But if this cultural awakening is so good, why am I finding it so hard to focus on writing? I'm wasting time on the net, procrastinating, thinking and not doing.

It’s so much easier to stay down there
Guaranteeing you’re cool
Than to sit up here exposing myself
Trying to break through

Than to burn in the spotlight
Turn in the spitfire
Scream without making a sound
Be up here and not looking down
Because we’re all afraid of heights

While I'm afraid about this year, graduating, and having to move to that next level, I'm just as scared about having to make an actual decision about my future. To have to live with that decision, to try to make that decision work, and to try to tell myself that the decision isn't even final, yet wanting to make that _right_ move. This seems like such a pivotal time, I don't know how people with 3 year degrees manage to do it, let alone people who go straight to work from HS...

More thinking...ahhhh...

Lost and Found

Currently Listening to: Ante Up (Remix) - M.O.P (feat. Busta Rhymes and Remy)

It's pretty rare that I get angry at anything, let alone blow up in a rage. I mean getting really amped up; mad and cursing like a chip on my shoulder that just got bigger and deeper. Well, a few nights ago, someone pulled out the axe and gave it a big swing...

For those who don't know, one my many dreams is to write a book and have it published. Well, since the end of last year, I'd been working on this short story to enter in this competition put on by this magazine. The first prize was a meeting with a top publisher from Random House, and in order to enter, I needed the original entry form in last months mag, which I had. But guess which magazine got thrown out with the old TV guides and Foxtel mags? Guess who lost it when they found out at about 12:30am? Guess who was thinking about getting up at 8:30am the next morning to head to the local newsagent to look for another copy?

Well, to cut a long tantrum short, I've decided to develop this negative into a positive picture like Lauryn's 37th line, and looking back on it, IF I had managed to win the comp, and I DID get a meeting with a publishing rep, what would I have to show them? I don't have a book ready to go, I barely have an idea for one formed...then there's that little matter of actually winning. More deadlines to live by...

I gotta get goin...lunch, then off to the city (@ the JET Cafe no less!) to an impromptu meeting to flesh out some ideas for this Mosaic publication I'm getting together. The contributions have been great; big thanx to Icky Kid, Al, tangymayo and WagstheDog... And we're not done yet! If people want to contribute some writing or artwork to this yearly mag aimed at sharing cultural experience and thus enhancing cultural diversity...you know what to do.

Fill me in!

RE:starting Another Year

Currently Listening to: Day One - D.I.T.C. (Diggin' In The Crates)

This track has to have one of THE best beats I've ever heard...such a good track, I think even Diddy (back when he was Puffy) jacked this beat. Still, he IS the first black man to be on the cover of Vogue, the third man to ever do so. So, I guess I can't hold too much against him. I must be getting soft!! This is sad, I actually told a friend the other night that I didn't really have much of a case for not liking P.Diddy's music...thank God for me that I came to my senses. Hearing Bad Boy For Life again tends to jolt most people back to reality.

New Year's Resolutions? I got a few, how about you guys? If I were cynical, (and I am), I'd think that the time when most people think about them is when people actually ask them, "hey, so you got any NY resolutions?" But I'm guilty of that too, so I've decided to take the problems as they come. I have a hard time enough thinking about all the things on my mind, let alone come up with _a_ solution when someone actually asks me.

Okay, okay, one of the New Year's Resolutions that I actually hope to carry out this year is to make more social phone calls and outings. What? No, that doesn't mean goin' out more, but it does mean going out more just because. Several friends have expressed surprise when I ask them what they are calling about...which I agree Chris, is quite sad. Maybe I've become too focussed on my work and trying to multitask all the time...or perhaps I need to be more generous with my time? _sigh_

Still, it's a New Year, so who knows? I think that's the best thing about the whole New Years thing, that mind state we all move to in the few days after NYE. Possibilities re-emerge, past mistakes are pushed aside, and our mental slates get a good cleaning. Here's hoping I can keep the slate relatively clean...and resist the urge to start doodling if I get bored...