Masayo

Currently Listening To :: By Your Side (Neptunes Remix) :: Sade

Do you think I'd leave your side, baby? You know me better than that...

Whenever I think of Taiwan, I can't help but get a little nostalgic. While I miss the days of partying and singing karaoke with strangers until wee hours of the morning, eating instant noodles with my friends on the roadside of our mountain-top hostel the morning after and doing it all again the next night, the soundtrack to my time there is filled with Taiwanese pop music. And Sade. I don't know why this is, but it just is. Sometimes it takes more than a day to recognise sunshine.

And if only, you could see into me...

Scibbled notes, third party translators, clutching at straws...

Just like the characters from Japanese Story, communication is key in any relationship. That ability to find a common ground, a level field of understanding, this is what led to an explosion of emotion, a floodgate of feelings breaking through the awkwardness of cultural and language divides. On that deep level, everything is laid bare and the social constructs of language and custom are cast aside, leaving nothing but raw emotion, with nothing to be lost, because there is nothing to be translated.

Oh..when you're cold, I'll be there to hold you tight to me...

Long walks at night, pleas for understanding, having to let go...

If your eyes are the window to your soul, then your hands are the window to your desire. There has been times when words aren't necessary, and those are those real moments between two people. Moments when their left eye looks into your right eye and your right looks into you left...and your desire to communicate transcends all else. Eyes and hands lock like hearts and minds do, a cocktail of soulful desire, intoxicating like a rush of blood, painful like a slow rope burn.

When you're on the outside baby and you can't get in...

The warmth of a tight embrace, the tenderness of a shared kiss, a letter with no reply...

Silence has always scared me. I stress communication, that connection, that 'click'; shared silence is something that I can't explain. For me there is no comfortable silence, for silence has always meant being alone, that sound you hear when someone walks away, when the phone doesn't ring, when a teardrop forms in your eye.

And if you want to cry, I'll be here to dry your eyes...

So the next time I look silently into your eyes, don't be scared, don't think I'm trying to be intrusive. I'm just searching for something that I can't say in ten thousand words, something that I can't feel in ten thousand touches. And if in that moment we both find what we're looking for, then I can turn the music off, take the phone off the hook, and let the tears fall freely from my eyes.

Because I recognise you are the sunshine of my life.

Are You Clitorally Dependent?

Currently Listening To :: Holiday Inn :: Chingy w/Ludacris & Snoop Dogg

That was an actual banner line from a recent women's magazine with Britney "Justin Timberlake is not well-endowed at all" Spears on the cover. While curious to find out exactly what the question meant, I was unfortunately thwarted by the 'sensible' sealed section, not to mention my own shy sensibilities. But I digress, and this post sure as hell is not turning into one about Britney's love life or Just-In's dingaling-ling. Or is that just ding? Bleah, moving on, moving on...

I just recieved my annual leave paperwork, and not having the leave built up (plus being new on the block means I'm last in the "who can take extra leave pecking order"), means that it's finally official.

I'm spending the summer in Sydney.

Well, I lie; I may be having a quick jaunt down to Melbourne over the Christmas break, but apart from that...I know I know. My living at home ass is used to jetting overseas during the Sydney summer, usually to extremely hot spots (Malaysia, Singapore), or extremely icy ones (China, Taiwan), so having to spend summer here is actually something of a novelty for me.

Oh, the ungratefulness of it all.

So, in some sort of semblance of proving to my bitching doubting-Thomas-non-jetsetting-to-exotic-overseas-local self that Sydney really is all that during the summertime, I've begun to do some groundwork research into making this Sydney summer really one to remember. And I'm not talking about cutting down on the alchohol intake either.

In the last month or two, I've been to two wild, off the chain live shows from artists that I really dig. I've been making some time to check out some real quality cinema, plus I've decided with a friend to randomly pick interesting suburbs and go see what's there. Looking what I've just written, I'm looking forward to things already, and I haven't even mentioned the Sydney Festival early next year.

If anyone else has any good ideas, I'm always open to suggestion, persuasion, coercion, as well as partners in crime.

(Hopefully) Sunny Sydney summer...bring it on!

It's A Man's Man's World, Baby

Currently Listening To :: Bhangra Knights :: Bhangra Knights vs. Husan

Sydney Mardi Gras. Crossover appeal. Queer as Folk. Kylie Minogue. Metrosexuality. Ian Thorpe. Now, Queer Eye For The Straight Guy. It seems that everywhere you look, Queer Culture and femininity amongst men is becoming more and more prevelant.

This all reminds me about how I felt when I first started to write for Faan Magazine. Just from those early days of getting involved in the broader Asian culture in Sydney, talking about what it means to be Asian and Australian at the same time, the whole surge in popularity of Asian culture that extended just beyond food. It suddenly hit me that being "Asian" was suddenly a whole lot cooler than it used to be.

Right now, I'm get a similar vibe with the gay community in general. With the huge success of the TV show "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy", metrosexual and homosexual men are rejoicing; it's never been cooler to stray from the straight and narrow for want of a better analogy. The ability to link two cultures that have for so long been at supposed opposite ends of the spectrum is a stroke of genius. It's now okay for straight men to be more feminine than ever before. At the same time, queer men now have something to offer straight men besides bearing the brunt of homophobic jokes; the ability to increase their chances of impressing women. All in one fell swoop.

It's a win-win situation really.

I wonder if queer guys actually watch the show; being a form of quasi-reality TV (which most reality TV arguably is) I also wonder if they find it offensively stereotypical or they can relate to various members of the Fab 5?

Bringing it back to the "Atlas Syndrome" I mentioned in my last post, I've said it before, and I'll say it again, it's never been harder to be a man these days, be it gay or straight. While I know nothing about pressures queer men feel, throw femininity into the mix and we have the definition of what it is the be a modern (straight) man in crisis. It'd be interesting to find out if gay men feel the same societal pressure that we do. However, coming from a minority culture, I guess I'm lucky in a way that I don't feel the full brunt of societal expectations on my shoulders; being an outsider is a blessing and a curse.

So while I haven't formed a rigorous moisturising facial regime, admittedly the idea of moisturising has become less feminine. Or perhaps it's me who's become MORE feminine? OR, perhaps we're just maturing as a human race as a whole (with men finally realising it's okay to go shopping, have some "me" time and spoil themselves).

Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course.

C.R.E.A.M.

Currently Listening To :: Money Don't Matter Tonight :: Prince

After a great weekend, here's some thoughts on some things that may or may not be related to said great weekend. Consistency is an overrated concept anyway. Most of the time.

Looking at my archives, I used to base a lot more of my posts around music and the lyrics that go with it. Either the music I'm listening to is getting worse, or my writing is just going downhill. Like the pretentious bastard I feel like right now, I'll say the former. That's right Mr. Timberlake, I'm talking about you.

White wine is my kryptonite; it's not often that I get absolutely shit-faced from drinking, but it seems I need to punish myself every so often to remind myself that while I may feel like I needed that drink, I really, REALLY didn't.

How can someone sing about money not mattering? I guess if you're a multi-million dollar artist, maybe it doesn't. Hell, he could make a song called "Money, Love, Sex, and Good Music Don't Matter Tonight"; I'd still bootleg it.

And I don't care what he calls himself these days. I first heard him as Prince, and he'll always be Prince.

Cash Rules Everything Around Me. Bling Bling Chingaling ya'll.

There are only 52 weekends in a year. That's only just over 8 weeks of play. Simple mathematics tells me not to waste any of the ones I have left.

Tequila shots are not meant to be taken more than two in a row, let alone four straight. Especially not without some lemon and salt. ESPECIALLY if you aim to avoid a hangover the next morning.

The Matrix Revolutions experience was kind of like what I imagine a drunken one night stand to be. Sure, I can say I got it, but that doesn't mean I necessarily enjoyed it. And what I would remember is a hazy spate of special effects that sure looked a lot better the night before.

Hmmm....Atlas Syndrome. Remember that catchphrase. It's the next "hot" word like metrosexual. If there IS such a creature...as a friend to me the other day said, "I'm not a metrosexual! And it's not a facial regime if there's only one cleansing product involved!!"

The Fab 5 work well together. I was intrigued, and I'll admit, one show and I'm hooked. Not on West Wing proportions, but...I know, I know. You metrosexual ho, Ben.

Fuck I can be a self-centered, unapologetic bastard.

Fuck I can be blunt when I'm tired.

FUCK the thought of a mortgage is extremely depressing.

But money don't matter tonight,
It sure didn't matter yesterday
Just when you think you got more than enough
That's when it all up and flys away...

That's when you find out that you're better off
Making sure you're soul's alright
'Cause money didn't matter yesterday,
And it sure don't matter tonight...

Off The Reel, On The Real

Currently Listening To :: Holly :: Henry Mancini

This week or so has been another rough and tiring one. I've been on a three day live-in training course on how to better understand people, their nuances and their needs, and once I know this information, how to use this in my favour to sell even more things to them (whether they need them or not is a different question).

An interesting discussion that came up during the course was how best to approach peoples different behavioural styles, and how to present your views in a memorable way. Ever the diplomat, my solution was to adapt yourself to each different situation like a chameleon, changing your approach and intensity to match those who you're dealing with.

However, that begged the question, "how can you judge a person's integrity, or, for want of a more common phrase, are they keeping it reel?"

Case in Point #1. I have a few female friends who I have known for a while now who never cease to come up with creative and funky ways of wearing clothes. Style, it can be said, is not the same thing as fashion, and while the latter is becoming increasingly expensive, the former is something that even a black Centurion can't buy. However, every time I complement them on a new pair of earrings or a top that suits them to a T, I am brushed off with (playful) chideing.

Something along the lines of:

Me: "Hey, I really like this shirt you're wearing! I think it really looks good on you."


Her: "Oh, you're so full of sh!t Ben!"


Me: "But it's true! I really like it...


Her: "Hahaha...oh, you're sooo full of sh!t Ben!!"

Men giving compliments can't win; or perhaps it's the way I give them that needs working on. Either way, back to the matter at hand.

Case in Point #2. Over lunch the other day, my mother began questioning the finer points of how I do what I do. Questions such as "So, you're telling me you lie to your customers?" and "Why can't you just tell them the truth if you don't know something?" came up more than once. And while in my mind I'm not doing anything wrong with these minor moral trangressions, I took the diplomatic approach and held my tongue. Sometimes you just have to know when to stop pushing and take a different approach.


Both instances and the course discussion really made me think about who I 'can' be, who I really 'am', and who I'm 'trying' to be. We agreed that while adapting was important, in the long run a consistent self is more important than one that while accomodating, can appear fickle and ultimately untrustworthy. Genuine process over contrived content if you will.

I'm sure you've all come across the whole "mask that we wear" analogy, i.e. we all have masks that we wear for different occasions to fit into different social situations. Not only does this make other people at ease for not having to act differently, but it also gives us as social beings a sense of "belonging" with said group, no matter how tenuous said "belonging" is.

Ok, I'm all "parenthesesed" out.

I'm beginning to wonder what (or where) the "real" Ben is? While I'm not having identity issues like the real Slim Shady, a.k.a Eminem, a.k.a. Marshall Mathers, I sometimes wonder if there is a real Ben Chew, or several Ben's trapped inside this body called Ben.

Perhaps there ARE several Ben's, but they just merge into one another, as opposed to distinct Ben's that turn on or off depending on situation, mood, time of day or level of alchohol consumption.

So are we becoming more socially adept through continually changing our stripes, or are we socially shooting ourselves in the foot by "keeping it real" and maintaining a level of personal integrity that has become increasingly rare these days?

Will the real answer to this question please stand up? Or are you hiding behind a chameleon approach of diplomatic non-response?

Either way, I don't blame you. The truth always comes out in the end...integrity is just a matter of time.