Losing and Finding

Currently Listening to: On The Radio (Remember The Days) - Nelly Furtado

I've been feelin' Nelly for a long time, and this song makes me think that pop never sounded so good...

I took a drive with Miso out to Canley Vale tonight to have dinner with Fairfield Councillor Thang Ngo and his partner...over a dinner of Vietnamese food (which was like whoa!), we just talked about everything from travelling, to the future, to the Sydney Festival and Mardi Gras, and of course, the culture(s) we live in and grew up in. They are great people to be with; funny, warm, and hospitible. Something that really struck me on the drive home though, and what made the night really enjoyable, was that this has to be one of the few times I've had dinner with people who are older who I don't really know, where I wasn't at some swish bar or restaurant, having to tell them my uni degree, my career aspirations and acting on my best behaviour. And even though we worked out that most things in life are 90% presentation and 10% solid matter, I left my mask at home. And it felt great _smile_

The last few days, I've been trying to focus on my writing, plus this report for my summer school course. Still, I've found time to squeeze in Monsters Inc., which I'm glad I saw instead of changing my life. Nice and funny, nothing too heavy, it was a slick technological wonder, kinda like the shiny new apple on the block. Makes me want to throw the PC out the Windows and learn Mac OS.

Speaking of learning new stuff, I have been writing my Chinese New Years article bit by bit, and I tell you, so much stuff is either starting to make sense, or just falling into place in my memory. It's great...the why of why we eat what we eat, the why of why we do what we do. But if this cultural awakening is so good, why am I finding it so hard to focus on writing? I'm wasting time on the net, procrastinating, thinking and not doing.

It’s so much easier to stay down there
Guaranteeing you’re cool
Than to sit up here exposing myself
Trying to break through

Than to burn in the spotlight
Turn in the spitfire
Scream without making a sound
Be up here and not looking down
Because we’re all afraid of heights

While I'm afraid about this year, graduating, and having to move to that next level, I'm just as scared about having to make an actual decision about my future. To have to live with that decision, to try to make that decision work, and to try to tell myself that the decision isn't even final, yet wanting to make that _right_ move. This seems like such a pivotal time, I don't know how people with 3 year degrees manage to do it, let alone people who go straight to work from HS...

More thinking...ahhhh...