Wet From The Waist Down

Currently Listening To :: Act Too (The Love of my Life) :: The Roots w/Common

I'm sitting in the Union Blockhouse, and thanks to my jacket, I don't think I'm in danger of getting pneumonia after the freak random downpour of rain and hail. However, compared to Gore-Tex, denim doesn't really cut it, so my jeans are soaked. (Then again, having Gore-Tex pants is something I don't think I'd seriously consider...yet).

I was at the launch of UNSWeetened last night, the UNSW literrary journal that will also be launched this Sunday at the Sydney Writer's Festival. I couldn't think of a better way to spend a cold Monday night with friends, like minded souls, and some champagne for good measure. As promised (and as I'm feeling a tad lazy), here is my poem that somehow managed to worm its way into the journal. If you're a UNSW student, pick one up from the Union; it's a good read. If you're not, then let me know if you want one...I do good deal for you! But in the meantime, hope you enjoy...

Poetry for Pay Cheques

This city of mind is in a state of confusion,
With a widening gap 'tween the real and the illusion,
While this style may be free, the costs need to be weighed,
On the scales of life my hearts wishes are displayed,
Some think that paying both the pocket and the mind is elusive,
But why should poetry and pay cheques be mutually exclusive?

While the image of a struggling artist is romantic,
I'm slowly come to understand this life's semantic,
I've worked low paying jobs, 9-5s, 6-12s,
Leaving precious little time each day for me to delve
Deep down into this art, 'cause bills and work are due,
Other poets lose heart, writers write with no clue
that a wordsmith needs to use both left and right brain,
Know poetry and poverty aren't one and the same,
If claiming corporate and cultural riches is your goal,
Keep your eyes on the prize, but don't forsake your soul
For the power of the dollar can make the minds eye blind,
Yet it keeps the lights on, so a balance I can find...

So let the lyrical liquor soak deep into your liver,
Get you drunk and high from these words that I deliver,
Like a midwife, bringing new life into this world,
The children my mind nurtures scream loud to be heard,
For they can feed me in more ways than I can feed them,
'Cause the wealth that I get from this pad and this pen
Is far from monetary but in ways I'm still rich,
But this world speaks of money, so I can't help but switch
To a language I can use to seek gainful employment,
So I can keep righting, for the people and enjoyment
People ask me, "how you gonna help the youth out here"?
I tell them first, "by waiting for my cheques to clear".

I Can't Keep My Eyes Open...

Currently Listening To :: Lovin' You :: Misia

This is what I need right now...a soothing of simple Rhodes keyboard, an incredible voice, and a bowl of chicken soup for my stomach. After a somewhat strange day, this old Minnie Riperton remake is a gem...and this soup isn't too bad either.

Ever since last weekends effort in which I learned more about contracts, torts and Crimes Acts that I had thought possible, it's like I'm mentally drained. Dragging myself out of bed on Monday morning at 6:30am to get to an interview, straight thru to a one on one class with my Wushi shifu which lasted until 9pm, I still haven't recovered. Today I floated between places like scenes from a play in which nothing happened. Well, nothing much happened. CY and I went to Moorefield Girls High to check up on the new Mosaic group there, and I must say, I was taken aback. There were about 20 girls in attendence, each with something to say, each with a story to tell. It was great seeing something like this in action, and really working.

I also managed to find a spare battery for my MD when I needed it the most. Perhaps there's hope for the future yet.

However, the rest of the day was like a dreamstate. The one class I had was cancelled due to my tutor being involved in a car accident. I dropped my phone twice and was too tired to get upset about it. Twice. Someone dressed like Kid Rock cut in front of me in the busline. I would have said something, but I thought it'd be disrespectulf to disturb the dead. I beginning to believe that my future lies in accounting. I truly do. And that scares me...at this rate, I'm not going to get a big summer holiday before I (hopefully) start work, with me slaving away trying to pay for past mistakes of not having done my CA requirements earlier. Karma takes no prisoners...

And to think, it's only midweek. I still have two interviews to go, plus my Blitz work to do...I'm DYING to reach this weekend one way or another...

Nervous Energy

Currently Listening To :: Resurrection :: Common Sense

A lot been on my mind of late...fates Angel flew back into my life, and told me to test myself. I obliged and came away with nothing, but now I can breathe again. Failing never felt so good...

What else has been on my mind? Uni, jobs, realtionships, the future...nothing out of the ordinary, but my mind just isn't focussed today. Hmm...a few people have mentioned how they liked my izms where I talked on how we all have that stranger who attracts us, but we never have a chance to ever meet them. Attraction from afar if you will. That's the type of stuff I'd like to write on always, but my izms aren't all love. However, if you're reading this, I thank you for the support, and here are my latest izms; inspired by a movie, yet still close to heart. And who said loyalty didn't pay?

I used to have a bright red ski jacket that I’d searched everywhere to find. I came upon it by chance, and it was a perfect fit. Who knew when another one would come along again? Like an ideal partner, I was warm inside its embrace, it protected me when I needed it, and I was so proud of having found it; everyone who I knew complemented me on it. During the cold and stormy months I couldn’t imagine being without it.

But as time passed, the jackets bright red slowly began to fade. It became worn at the seams, and it no longer kept the elements out like it used to. Perhaps it’s just that nothing stays the same forever, or perhaps I should have taken better care of it. Either way, I started to use umbrellas more and more in my times of need. They were easy to find, and if I lost one, it wouldn’t take much to find another one to use. They were infinitely more understanding than the jacket, which was heavier, so much more trouble to carry when I didn’t need it, and I couldn’t easily fit in my already full bag either. I was soon reveling in the freedom that the use of umbrellas gave me, and so what if I was cold from time to time? However, even the unloved have their dignity, and with time, the jacket disappeared without me even realising it was gone.

As time went by, however, I began to miss that jacket. I saw others with similar ones, and I looked at how happy they were to have them, as if anything else just wouldn’t do. While seeing them made me envious, jealous even, I’d long convinced myself that I would be just fine with my umbrellas. Pride can do that to a man. Even when I finally gave in and looked for my old jacket, it was nowhere to be found. I thought I saw it, a stranger wearing it in a storm, but I could never be sure. All that was left were my memories and the smiles of those who hadn’t given into the fairer weather and the greener grass.

My search yielded me other jackets, with promises of even more warmth, greater protection, and perhaps even more complements. I tried some on, a few even ended up being close, but nothing compared to my original jacket. The picture in my mind of the past was still there, and in the end these others were nothing but me trying to replace what I had thrown away, looking for the past in what was here right now. So I gave up on the jackets and the umbrellas, choosing instead to brave the elements on my own. The rain came down, the cold set in, and I slowly froze in my own self-pity, while touches of regret still sometimes bite like a bitter wind. Though I can look back on things and smile now, I sometimes wonder, what if?

However, from another angle, if I had managed to somehow find that jacket, only to find out that it didn’t fit anymore, or worse, it belonged to another, would that make me feel any better? Isn’t it better just to leave things in the past? Perhaps it is better that nothing stays the same forever. This way I’ll live with no regrets, and cherish the love when it comes my way again…

Refuge From The Storm

Currently Listening To :: Zai Ling Chen (At Midnight) :: Zhang Zhen Yue

A friend of mine said today that life is like a flowing river. As we grow older, and we edge closer to the sea, it becomes increasingly hard to stop the flow of water, as the river mouth widens. When we were younger, it was easier to drop everything and set up dams and floodgates to slow the water. These days, with so much happening, it's not so easy. I find myself amongst a torrent of water, and I've run out of building materials.

This really struck me. Half dead as I was, it really hit home that I just can't drop everything and focus on one thing anymore. This is especially true with so much going on in my life right now; trying to juggle uni, work, volunteer committments, friends, family, and romantic izms (not that that's really going anywhere, but that's another story). Just like there's never a "right" time to fall in love, there's never a right time to do anything anymore. Anytime is a good time. This is carpe diem at it's rawest.

Having Chinese class tonight at TAFE and going to WuShu training on Monday night has made me realise that I still need space to be me. I still need places where I don't know anyone, and no one knows me. Learning aspects of my culture, I also like this feeling of almost starting life with a clean slate, similar to when I was on exchange in Taiwan. It keeps me sane to know that there is an end to the six degrees of seperation that while unbelieveably great at times, can make your world feel small. Too small.

Got my first physical rejection letter today...I wonder how it is that some companies say yes, while others say no. I'm still the same person, but I guess it's all about filling needs. I'd like to think I could fill most needs, but then, I'm not a super-hero. Hell, I'm not even close. Speaking of close, assignments are, and holidays aren't.

I'm out like my faith in multiculturalism...

Bleaaah...

Currently Listening To :: Pieces Of A Man :: Gil Scott Heron

I'm still feeling the lack of sleep from the weekend. Friday night, didn't sleep until 4:30am. Saturday night, didn't sleep until 4am. Sunday, slept at about 1:30am. Not that I'm complaining, because celebrating the birthday of good friends is always a pleasure. Still, I'm going to make this short and sweet...

Today started off with Ben thinking he left his mobile phone at home. I panicked, can you believe that? The thought of going the whole day without my mobile actually got me worked up in the car. Then I found it under my bag, and with the touch of a few buttons, everything was right in my world again. Quite sad actually...

Next, I walk into work for my weekly Blitz meeting, and my editor is fuming about the Womyn's Guild on campus telling how they were offended by last weeks issue of Blitz. Never one to hold back, Karen proceeded to give them a verbal once over, and that put things even worse for the day. The rest of the day sorta blended into walking up and down campus. I really need to do some work, if last Friday's midsession is any indication.

Still, there were highlights. Firstly, there was the tall hot chocolate I had (seemingly banal, but it's my comfort drink). Second, Wushu tonight was just what I needed, a chance to get some exercise, clear my mind, and take my mind of things I also met up with Miss Riss today for a while at uni, and over a stick of candy floss for anti-diet day (not that I'm on one or anything), we got to know the people behind the words and HTML (well, the HTML is mainly on Riss's site. Man, imagine what I could do with a scanner, webcam, and some hours to learn...). And dude, though she may wear surf brands sometimes and rep's the Shire, she one hella kewl sista. Hee!

Was on the okayplayer.com boards last night, and come across an interesting post from mellow...

You know when celebrities crash and/or burn, usually it's because of some hidden issue that's been magnified because of their status? Well a friend of mine gave a really good theory as to why someone like gil scott heron has seemed to fall on hard times.She was saying how people like gil scott who are passionate and very aware of the ill's of society and the world take a lot of things to heart. Just looking back at the catalogue he's released and his infamous performances, you can see his insight.

She just stated, when you try to be pro-active and have an impact on people, then time continues on and things pretty much still stay the same, it may be very discouraging to people and they may lose hope...even someone like a gil scott heron. Probably more so someone like him, too much deep thinking may have turned to depression, which turns to release and escape (artificial escape or not).

I admire gil scot for what he's done. I hope he has someone who can help him in his time of need. We're not all supermen in this life.

I like that...scary, but it does give a good view on things. Disappointment even after you pour your heart and soul into something is probably the worst feeling in the world...

Okay, I'm done. I need to get my sleep on...I'm out like summertime sunshine...

Unexpected Upward Swings

Currently Listening To :: Zen Approach :: DJ Krush w/ Black Thought

It was a good day today, a far cry from my last blog entry eh? I'd say "sorry about that", but I won't. You just gotta stay strong and keep on moving...and why did that sound like the lyrics from some pop boy band? Noooooo....

Anyways, I had my first real job interview ever today, and apart from one question, I think I did okay. However, considering they only take about 7 grads in their whole company per year, it'll be a bit of a long shot. But we'll see eh? On the upside, it's better than the odds I'm getting from here at least...keeping them fingers crossed.

On an un-career-related note, I got a reply in the mail today from HPAIR, and I've been accepted to the conference at Macquarie Uni. Woot! From what Chris has told me, it's mad fun and you get to meet heaps of kewl people from around the globe (60 countries had applicants), so that should be like whoa! The workshop I'm doing is called "Asian Popular Culture and the Politics of Nationalism"...my top choice to boot. 15-18th August are out for me people!

I also got told today by a workmate Myra (in a faux-scottish accent no less) that my poem "Poetry for Paycheques" had made it into the 2002 UNSW literary Journal "Unsweetened"!! The journal will have two launches this year, one at UNSW and one at the Sydney Writers Festival! I'm just happy to get my name in there and all. I'll post it up some time soon...

Okay, gotta get back to study for these wack midsessions...

I'm out like Australian medical insurance...