Nervous Energy

Currently Listening To :: Resurrection :: Common Sense

A lot been on my mind of late...fates Angel flew back into my life, and told me to test myself. I obliged and came away with nothing, but now I can breathe again. Failing never felt so good...

What else has been on my mind? Uni, jobs, realtionships, the future...nothing out of the ordinary, but my mind just isn't focussed today. Hmm...a few people have mentioned how they liked my izms where I talked on how we all have that stranger who attracts us, but we never have a chance to ever meet them. Attraction from afar if you will. That's the type of stuff I'd like to write on always, but my izms aren't all love. However, if you're reading this, I thank you for the support, and here are my latest izms; inspired by a movie, yet still close to heart. And who said loyalty didn't pay?

I used to have a bright red ski jacket that I’d searched everywhere to find. I came upon it by chance, and it was a perfect fit. Who knew when another one would come along again? Like an ideal partner, I was warm inside its embrace, it protected me when I needed it, and I was so proud of having found it; everyone who I knew complemented me on it. During the cold and stormy months I couldn’t imagine being without it.

But as time passed, the jackets bright red slowly began to fade. It became worn at the seams, and it no longer kept the elements out like it used to. Perhaps it’s just that nothing stays the same forever, or perhaps I should have taken better care of it. Either way, I started to use umbrellas more and more in my times of need. They were easy to find, and if I lost one, it wouldn’t take much to find another one to use. They were infinitely more understanding than the jacket, which was heavier, so much more trouble to carry when I didn’t need it, and I couldn’t easily fit in my already full bag either. I was soon reveling in the freedom that the use of umbrellas gave me, and so what if I was cold from time to time? However, even the unloved have their dignity, and with time, the jacket disappeared without me even realising it was gone.

As time went by, however, I began to miss that jacket. I saw others with similar ones, and I looked at how happy they were to have them, as if anything else just wouldn’t do. While seeing them made me envious, jealous even, I’d long convinced myself that I would be just fine with my umbrellas. Pride can do that to a man. Even when I finally gave in and looked for my old jacket, it was nowhere to be found. I thought I saw it, a stranger wearing it in a storm, but I could never be sure. All that was left were my memories and the smiles of those who hadn’t given into the fairer weather and the greener grass.

My search yielded me other jackets, with promises of even more warmth, greater protection, and perhaps even more complements. I tried some on, a few even ended up being close, but nothing compared to my original jacket. The picture in my mind of the past was still there, and in the end these others were nothing but me trying to replace what I had thrown away, looking for the past in what was here right now. So I gave up on the jackets and the umbrellas, choosing instead to brave the elements on my own. The rain came down, the cold set in, and I slowly froze in my own self-pity, while touches of regret still sometimes bite like a bitter wind. Though I can look back on things and smile now, I sometimes wonder, what if?

However, from another angle, if I had managed to somehow find that jacket, only to find out that it didn’t fit anymore, or worse, it belonged to another, would that make me feel any better? Isn’t it better just to leave things in the past? Perhaps it is better that nothing stays the same forever. This way I’ll live with no regrets, and cherish the love when it comes my way again…