Off The Reel, On The Real

Currently Listening To :: Holly :: Henry Mancini

This week or so has been another rough and tiring one. I've been on a three day live-in training course on how to better understand people, their nuances and their needs, and once I know this information, how to use this in my favour to sell even more things to them (whether they need them or not is a different question).

An interesting discussion that came up during the course was how best to approach peoples different behavioural styles, and how to present your views in a memorable way. Ever the diplomat, my solution was to adapt yourself to each different situation like a chameleon, changing your approach and intensity to match those who you're dealing with.

However, that begged the question, "how can you judge a person's integrity, or, for want of a more common phrase, are they keeping it reel?"

Case in Point #1. I have a few female friends who I have known for a while now who never cease to come up with creative and funky ways of wearing clothes. Style, it can be said, is not the same thing as fashion, and while the latter is becoming increasingly expensive, the former is something that even a black Centurion can't buy. However, every time I complement them on a new pair of earrings or a top that suits them to a T, I am brushed off with (playful) chideing.

Something along the lines of:

Me: "Hey, I really like this shirt you're wearing! I think it really looks good on you."


Her: "Oh, you're so full of sh!t Ben!"


Me: "But it's true! I really like it...


Her: "Hahaha...oh, you're sooo full of sh!t Ben!!"

Men giving compliments can't win; or perhaps it's the way I give them that needs working on. Either way, back to the matter at hand.

Case in Point #2. Over lunch the other day, my mother began questioning the finer points of how I do what I do. Questions such as "So, you're telling me you lie to your customers?" and "Why can't you just tell them the truth if you don't know something?" came up more than once. And while in my mind I'm not doing anything wrong with these minor moral trangressions, I took the diplomatic approach and held my tongue. Sometimes you just have to know when to stop pushing and take a different approach.


Both instances and the course discussion really made me think about who I 'can' be, who I really 'am', and who I'm 'trying' to be. We agreed that while adapting was important, in the long run a consistent self is more important than one that while accomodating, can appear fickle and ultimately untrustworthy. Genuine process over contrived content if you will.

I'm sure you've all come across the whole "mask that we wear" analogy, i.e. we all have masks that we wear for different occasions to fit into different social situations. Not only does this make other people at ease for not having to act differently, but it also gives us as social beings a sense of "belonging" with said group, no matter how tenuous said "belonging" is.

Ok, I'm all "parenthesesed" out.

I'm beginning to wonder what (or where) the "real" Ben is? While I'm not having identity issues like the real Slim Shady, a.k.a Eminem, a.k.a. Marshall Mathers, I sometimes wonder if there is a real Ben Chew, or several Ben's trapped inside this body called Ben.

Perhaps there ARE several Ben's, but they just merge into one another, as opposed to distinct Ben's that turn on or off depending on situation, mood, time of day or level of alchohol consumption.

So are we becoming more socially adept through continually changing our stripes, or are we socially shooting ourselves in the foot by "keeping it real" and maintaining a level of personal integrity that has become increasingly rare these days?

Will the real answer to this question please stand up? Or are you hiding behind a chameleon approach of diplomatic non-response?

Either way, I don't blame you. The truth always comes out in the end...integrity is just a matter of time.