Love Post For Everyone
Currently Listening To :: Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough :: Sun Yan Zi
I guess that was for the girl. It always seems to end up being about a girl, doesn’t it?
Stealing an ending line from another to start a different entry feels like an episode from a weeknight TV drama, and I haven't religiously watched one of those in years until recently. I can't remember the last time (if ever) I have called someone after the weeks episode to discuss what had just happened...but I digress.
Seriously speaking, it's been roughly 2 years since my last serious relationship, and while it hasn't been for lack of trying, I've begun to think that in some ways it has been through lack of trying. While I've always tried to keep an open mind to who I do date, there are some glaring holes in my logic when it comes to the fairer sex.
I don't want lose you, I don't want to use you, just to have somebody by my side...
For a while now, I have been openly advocating the "casual relationship", to the extent that I have even put this into practice myself (when you actually start practicing what you preach, usually praise follows; in this case, it's usually insults, awkward moments and cold shoulders). Yes there are some things that haven't exactly been by the book, but then that depends on who's book you're trying to live by. Far from trying to argue my way out of my own actions, I have no real regrets. I did what felt right at the time, and I stick by that; if it turned out to be the wrong decision, then those are my consequences I have to deal with...
I don't want to change you, I don't want to blame you...
Not to say I'm blessed, but I've had the chance to meet and get to know some really nice girls over the two years; sometimes it didn't go anywhere, sometimes it went a lot further than I thought it would. But none have ever stood for something more serious than...well, none of them have ever developed into something serious. And at times, it's not because I didn't want it to. Hearts get broken, words are spoken, but it's what's left unsaid that hurts the most...
Yes I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you, maybe I just want to have it all...
But the interesting flipside of the coin is thinking about the effort I didn't put in. That extra phone call, that date that I should have pushed for more, that moment that I should have grasped when it was mine. Analysis paralysis. Just like giving 150% is easy for something that I can clearly see, working towards something that isn't as clear ends up with me not giving nearly enough. A dreamer, I often think of what could be, if ONLY things were different. How happy life would be, how all my problems would just melt away with a smile that tells me 'yes'. So while life is all about the possibilities, it's sad how I'm often blinded by what I can and can't see before me...
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are...
Relationships take work, constant work. Not to state the obvious, but it's something that everyone needs to be told once in a while. Getting swept up in a charming smile and witty conversation is easy. Losing yourself in someones eyes is electrifying, a tight embrace on a cold night can warm you more than the sun ever could. But something that is effortless loses its value, what comes to us without trying will get taken for granted.
Love comes to us without having to try, because that's part of its magic. But just like it comes, it leaves just as easily, leaving many wondering 'where did the love go'? True, logically all you have to do is wait for it to come back, to weather the storm in anticipation of the calm afterwards. Perhaps it will, perhaps it won't. Love doesn't work by any book though, it has no logic; love is a concept of the heart, relationships a contruct of the mind. We try to explain love within the boundaries of a relationship, to give some sense to a mystery, but that's just like trying to write a poem about love; how can words possibly encapsulate such a boundless emotion?
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough...
The truth of the matter as I see it is that the one can't survive without the other. Having love to share but no one to share it with is a tragedy, and with no outlet, no way to nourish it, no way to reciprocate, the love will fade. A clanging symbal or a sounding brass, playing out into an empty expanse. And while there are times for an open relationship, what is a serious relationship without love? Ponder if you will, but not for too long...the more moments you spend thinking, the less time you might have to be working towards something; the less time you might have to be in love...
posted by Ben @ Saturday, December 14, 2002
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