Intellecticious

Currently Listening To :: Boom :: Royce Da 5'9"

This was an actual advertisement run over the weekend in one of Sydney's Metro newspapers. While there's so much wrong yet so much right with cosmetic surgery, one read of this will either have you in stitches or banging on my (virtual) door for the number to ring up and abuse this drivel; just like reality TV, the choice is yours.

If anything, just call me a conduit of (mis)information, holding your attention with salacious words and volumptious verbs. I promise, I won't tell a soul if you don't...

Knock 'em out with your intellect. But get their attention first!

Let's be honest - no one can spot your intellect from a distance. So just because you'd like to be admired for your intelligence doesn't mean you shouldn't look fabulous in the meantime.

If you're thinking about Breast Enhancement Surgery, or any other type of cosmetic surgery, use you intellect to make the right choice. At the XXXXXX Cosmetic Clinic we have both Cosmetic and Plastic Surgeons, each one selected for their expertise in a particular procedure or body zone.

p.s. Apologies for not adding the busty platinum blonde from the advert in; apparently, she's an 'Actual Patient'. Must I do everything? Yeeesh...it's the internet; do some work and find your own soft p0rn!

Plug and Play

Currently Listening To :: All I Need Is You :: Guy Sebastian

With the amount of driving that I do with my job, I get to spend a lot of time thinking in between stops (as well as stuffing my face with junk foods and singing at the top of my lungs). Important questions such as "What are some simple steps to saving the world?", "I wonder what it'd be like to hang out with Johnny Depp?" and "How does one match a shirt, tie and suit pocket square correctly?" all spring to mind.

I've also been meaning to get a slick headset to go with my new phone. However, since I've been too lazy to go look for it properly, I seem to spend a lot of time playing around with my headset, sometimes to the point where I have to take a call and basically yell at my caller until I find and plug my handsfree in.

Which makes me think...should I take the call first and fumble around looking for my handsfree, potentially causing a serious accident, or should I just wait until I find the handsfree, taking the chance of missing an important call for the payola of uninterrupted talk-time?

Taking this one step further, the same could be applied to relationships (then again, what can't?) It's the age old conundrum, involving elements such as timing, adages such as striking when the iron is hot, and a dangerous Bermuda Triangle called the Friends Zone, where possibilities are lost, never to return.

Having tried both approaches, I can't say that one is preferable over the other. At times, I feel like my experience is so limited by circumstance, by factors beyond my control. I used to ask myself "if I had the chance to play things differently, would I have?"

But really, I don't think so. The person I am today is not only a function of the experiences I've had, but just as importantly the ones I've missed out on as well. So while I may have been friends with a girl and then asked her out, chances are, if I had asked her out straight away the outcome would have been the same.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that a connection made is a connection that will usually stay, at least until something has been done about it. Real feelings will continue to burn slowly, while the quickest of strikes with the hammer will yield no change from cold, blunt metal...only sparks that fade as quickly as they flared.

So before you plug and play, best to check your connection first. Why waste a whole lot of money, time and angst when you should have read the instructions in the first place?

Still, nothing is infallible, least of all relationships. No matter how strong a connection you may have, there's always the chance of going through tunnels. You just have to make that decision to re-connect if the chance presents itself; hopefully, the connection will still be clear.

"Hello?"

With The Greatest Of Ease

Currently Listening To :: Show Me Your Soul :: P. Diddy, Lenny Kravitz and Pharell Williams

You have a man flying through the air suspended by a bondage-esque harness, stark naked except for a very painful looking leather cup covering his genitals. Screaming at the top of his lungs, he flew an arms-length above the crowd, flashing us with every swing of the rope, electonic beats and Argentinian drums crashing into the crowd as we looked up in awe. What's this you say?

Theatre + Dance Party + Carnivale = De La Guarda

From the ambient introduction, to the intense energy with which the performers ran up the walls, played the drums and flew around in suits, De La Guarda is if nothing else, and experience like no other. While I was at times confused by what it all meant, at the same time I was absorbed by the electicness of it all (if there is such a word).

Having no prior knowledge of the show, it was interesting to see how the crowd reacted. Just like humans faced with any situation that pulls you out of your comfort zone (and believe me, this one pulls, pushes and downright catapults you out there), some stood back and watched, some got involved to a degree, while others went full tilt, abandoning themselves to the lure of the beats and the roar of the drums.

Mans age-long (yet sometimes failed) urge to fly, to soar above everything else, seems to be the main theme here. Not to mention the wild celebration of flying, be it alone, in pairs, or a group of people strapped together, flying through the air as if caught in the eye of a hurricane.

But let us not give too much away here. For those who haven't seen it, I suggest you book a ticket to De La Guarda while flights are still available. While it's one of those things that may not appeal to everone, it's something that, like living life itself, can only really be experienced first hand.