The Difference Is Night And Day

Currently Listening To :: This Is My World :: Darius Rucker

As I was walking up the stairs to work after what turned out to be an unexpectedly big weekend, I thought to myself:

"I wonder if it's natural for some people to embrace the morning, and others to shun it. If I was born in the morning, would I be more of a morning person than I am?"

Although my theory proved to be false (I was born in the morning), I still marvel at people who seem to be high on life in the morning. Maybe they're glad to be alive everyday; everyone should live like that, but if I used that much energy to be happy that early, I'd be alseep by noon...everyday.

On another note, it'll be my birthday soon. I seem to have this innate ability to post when my birthday is nearing, but it's probably the yearly navel-gazing that is going on in my subconscious.

I've been ignoring my inner voice for the longest time now - it's not like I haven't had anything to say, but perhaps I miss writing for a (however small) readership. I once had fanciful notions of seeing my blog up in online lights, but writing so close to home is never sustainable, especially when there's never that much drama in my life.

...Amor est magis cognitivus quam cognitio - we know things better through love than through knowledge...

A friend once said that my best writing was when I had something to be sad about, and I guess I haven't truly been sad in a long time. Experience over understanding, empathy over sympathy, pain over perception; can my writing be just as good without these things?

Night and day, day and night...

...good morning.

Milestones In My Mind

Currently Listening To :: Dontchange :: Musiq

I used to think that birthdays were overrated. iIth the past few years of my late 20s all a relative non-event in terms of life-changing experience when it came to waking up the morning after my birthday, I would have liked to say that turning 30 has been no significant difference. Don't get me wrong, I'm introspective as ever - navel gazing is something I don't think I'll ever be able to do away with. I just thought that this year would be no different - but just as life always has surprises in store, this year has been different.

But not necessarily in the way I thought it would be.

It's official - it's time to move the goalposts on my life. My sister in her wisdom told me that most men don't really know who they are until they are at least 30. I believe what she said, and looking at when the last time it was that I really took stock on my future, I have to cast my gaze back to when I was 18, on the cusp of something of (nearly) infinite possibilities. Thoughts about what it would be ahead of me, what I wanted to achieve by the time I was 30 all flash through my mind.

Truth be told, I'm certain that I've achieved some of what I set out to, but it's the things that I haven't achieved that stick with me. But really, that's no way to live a life. Starting tomorrow, I'm pulling it back together. Turning the glass upside down to make sure that what was once half empty is half full, what I hadn't achieved yet wasn't something to be cast aside like an egg that was past it's used by date - rather it was like a plant that didn't respond to the nurturing as quickly as you'd like it, or a goldfish that was sick but that came back to health. It may have taken a little longer than you thought, and that's okay. The juice was worth the squeeze.

But tonight, I'm going to bask in the semi-lucid state I'm in - trying to take in my life to date, and think about what's next. When you reach a point where you think you should have all the answers and realise you have none, it's time to start over.

That begins tomorrow.

Listing Updates

Currently Listening To :: Respiration (Pete Rock Remix) :: Black Star feat. Black Thought

Just updating my list and adding a few new notes - some things are easier than others, but I find that sometimes it's the small wins that help roll into bigger things.

1. (Re)learn Mandarin
2. Start puttin out the job feelers at the back end of this year
3. Plan my trip to NY and HK/Sing at the end of the year

* This is basically planned - I just need to confirm my leave now. Looks like it'll be last week of September and first two weeks of October - that ties in with point 4 below, as I've sandwhiched my trip in between two weddings.*

4. Find out when all these "back of the year" weddings are so I can do 3

5. Work out my frequent flyer miles situation so the flight to NYC is bearable.

6. Buy a guide to New York

*Bec has kindly pointed me in the way of NYmag.com, so that'll be my online reading until I get there, upon which point I'll steal one of her and Kev's many guides.*

7. Work out if I should drop HK/Sing in favour of a trip to the Cayman Islands if the opportunity arises
8. Embed a fitness regime in my life
9. Strengthen my core - Pilates/Tai Chi/Yoga?
10. Refine my next choice of watch...and suit.
11. Buy some luggage to avoid having to check in on my work trips

*My Porter x Monocle overnight bag arrived in the post over the weekend, just in time for some upcoming trips to Melbourne. Big enough to fit my laptop and clothes, yet small enough not to check in - a travellers dream come true.*

12. Organise my birthday party with KC

*Locked in for 4th July, Crystal Bar, 6pm onwards*

13. Organise my birthday dinner

*Locked in for 10th July, Quay, 7pm - thanks KC!*

14. Start reading some of my many books yet untouched on my shelf
15. Pray the Knicks somehow draft OJ Mayo
16. Pay my Visa bill

*I really should stop putting things like this in - but hey, at least it's paid*

17. Call Yvonne from the Smith Family about the mentoring programme I want to become involved in

*My referees are being checked, so I'm guessing that's a good sign so far - nothing final just yet, but I'll keep you posted*

And now, for some more additions to the list:

No 18. (via Bec) Stay single so your attached friends can live vicariously through you when you visit NY

No 19. (via Bec) Save up for the drinking/playing NYC fund

Action Points and Deliverables

Currently Listening To :: Thought @ Work :: The Roots

In some vague attempt to right the out of control ship that my life right now, I've decided to write a list of things I need/want/should do. While I'm normally quite a structured person in my approach to these things, I'm going to write them in order of when they come into my head.

1. (Re)learn Mandarin
2. Start puttin out the job feelers at the back end of this year
3. Plan my trip to NY and HK/Sing at the end of the year
4. Find out when all these "back of the year" weddings are so I can do 3.
5. Work out my frequent flyer miles situation so the flight to NYC is bearable.
6. Buy a guide to New York
7. Work out if I should drop HK/Sing in favour of a trip to the Cayman Islands if the opportunity arises
8. Embed a fitness regime in my life
9. Strengthen my core - Pilates/Tai Chi/Yoga?
10. Refine my next choice of watch...and suit.
11. Buy some luggage to avoid having to check in on my work trips
12. Organise my birthday party with KC
13. Organise my birthday dinner
14. Start reading some of my many books yet untouched on my shelf
15. Pray the Knicks somehow draft OJ Mayo
16. Pay my Visa bill
17. Call Yvonne from the Smith Family about the mentoring programme I want to become involved in

Wow, that's a sizeable list, and that's just a stream of thoughts. While hardly anyone reads my blog these days, I figure making myself accountable to the internet ether is better than my harddrive. We'll see.

So, let's get to it!

Same Ol', Same Ol'

Currently Listening To :: Me and Mrs Jones :: Marvin Gaye

"You should just forget about it; it's not like anything's going to happen anyway."

Words, when said with conviction, can make me second guess even the goodwill in the world. As any accountant will tell you, goodwill is one of those "intangibles" that you can't really quantify - dealing in abstracts isn't what contributes to the bottom line. It's all about making fiscally sound investments!

Oftentimes I feel that ALL I deal with is abstracts, and that what's really going is secondary to what I or they THINK is going on.

The smallest steps can be the hardest, and my mind can play tricks on the rest of me. I used to think that not worry about the outcome of my decisions, because a part of me was optimistic in that things will turn out fine, while another part of me didn't care, because that would involve having to make an effort that may lead to disappointment.

Strange as it sounds, I've never cared more about my life until this last year. Where I'm going, what I'm doing, who I'm with. It's not that I felt that my life was worth less then the experience of living it, but so used to going with the flow, I've reached a stage where the flow isn't where I want to go anymore.

Does that make me an optimist?

It's so easy to not care - in fact, life is generally easier the less you care about which way the coin toss falls. But no matter how apathetic you may think you are, there is always two sides to every coin, even if they may look the same. It's a heads I win, tails you lose scenario. No matter how poor the roll of the dice, an optimist will always believe that the next one will be a winner - the pessimist loses before the dice even leaves their hand.

So I ask myself again, am I an pessimist trying to be an optimist, or an optimist trying to manage my own expectations?

The only way to find out is to keep on rolling the dice...

Directional Force

Currently Listening To :: Memories of Melodies :: DJ Deckstream ft. Dred Scott and Adriana Evans

With the email that dropped into my inbox towards the end of work today, I was one step closer to my new role...which means a lot of things, but is encapsulated in this statement made over a quiet drink tonight:

"A year, year and a half from now, we could be having this conversation in Hong Kong."

We'll see A, and while there's no guarantees, let's see what we can both do to make it happen.

Jason Mraz - I'm yours (Live on Korean TV)

One of the most enjoyable live performances I've ever been to was seeing Jason Mraz live in Sydney last year. A stripped down show, percussion by Toca Rivera, Jason's flair for showmanship and his intimate ways with the crowd made me hope he never reached the heights of John Mayer.

While 'Mr-AZ' didn't capture me the same way 'Waiting For My Rocket To Come' did, his talk of an acoustic album was the best news I've heard in a while. And after hearing this song, I think you'll agree that it's a record most any music fan can get excited about, no matter where you are or what language you speak.

Enjoy!