I'm About To Break

Currently Listening To // In The End // Linkin Park

It starts with one...

I've been meaning to blog for a while now, but been telling myself I've been too busy. When your life hits near rock bottom though, time just seems to appear. Priorities I always say...

Oh, by the way, I like your tie...

And with that, she was gone. After a near half an hour train ride, she walked back out of my life with the same ease as she had appeared, or more accurately, I had walked down the train stairs to see her sitting there. I think she didnt' even recognise me at first. Catching her eye, I sat down next to her in the seat across the aisle, and the catch-up process began.

We ran through the usual three bases of work, family, and mutual friends; I carefully avoided mentioning her boyfriend until the worst case scenario that we ran out of other things to talk about occured. Which, of course, we did.

It's so sad to think that things had come to this. Here I was, sitting across the aisle from the only woman I have ever said "I Love You" to, and for all I know, we might as well have been a light year apart, or at least strangers on an empty train. In fact, I think strangers would have had more to talk about...

I found the whole experience quite ironic, considering I started playing twenty questions over email this week with someone who I assumed didn't even like me. After six years, how life can turn on a dime...

I put my trust, in you, pushed as far as I can go...

And to make matters worse, I've learned that coming second best is something I need to accept. Sometimes, no matter what you feel you deserve, things just don't turn out. Push as you might, pull as you might, plead as you might...

In fact, what is the use in going on with this? Nothing. Not even writing this and the angst, rage and disappointment infused in this post can force change to occur where it's not ready, where it doesn't want to be found. Perhaps I'll be less cryptic when I post next. Perhaps I just won't post.

In the end, it doesn't even matter...