Once Again...

Currently Listening To :: David Tao (Tao Zi) :: Zhao ZiJi (Looking for Self)

Another year, another entry...yes, Ben has turned 24. Yesterday actually...much love and appreciation to everyone who called and messaged me to wish me a good day. You really put a smile on my face, even during this time of mass confusion.

As I found out over the weekend, my search for a corporate graduate job finally came to an end, as my longest shot came to a sudden halt. At first I was angry, then the disappointment set in, and no matter how I pounded my fists and searched myself for where I went wrong, it wasn't enough. Again.

So I turned to the warmth of friends and drink on saturday night, and this helped me to escape my fears for a brief night. Turning up to the party, I was astounded at the number of people at my own birthday who I didn't know, but I guess that's what happens when you have an open party. And although some chose other "more personal" nights, I don't think there were any real complaints on the night at all. Everyone seemed to have a good time; the music was great as always (thanks Mike and Laks), there was no trouble (thanks to the security), and well, who would want to bust up our night?

Sunday was a different story, as I slowly began to realise what had happened to me. How next year has become one big black question mark. How it's time to start looking for what I really want to be doing with my life and career.

Monday, I spent the day at uni, talking to some trusted workmates and colleagues who I knew had been there, done that. Who had felt my pain and anxiety. And I felt better, talking through my problems, my frustrations at how I feel as if no matter what I do, I seem to be ending up at the beginning...again. Oh, and I turned 24...

Some people think I am too open on my blog, with the things I say, the thoughts I write. Perhaps I am, but as the details to my direction slowly start to take geographical form, I realise that the landscape of my future is no longer clear, and writing here is one of the batteries powering my flashlight in the dark.

And I'm rambling...again...