Supreme Confidence, by Ben Chew

Currently Listening to: Wang Faye-"Ni Xihuan Bu Ru Wo Xihuan"

Whenever I listen to this song, I remember Taiwan, and I remember the cloudy and rainy days I used to spend in my best friend Miriams room, just talking about our lives, eating pao mian (instant noodles), trying to map out our futures, and listening to good music. And even though Miriam's back in Taiwan now, while I'm still in Sydney, our connections are still solid. True memories, like a true love, never really die. They only fade. This song is encapsulated definition.

Today, in this part of the world, it's overcast.

Ni xihuan bu ru wo xihuan

"What you like, isn't necessarily what I like"

For those who read my blog (and I thank you for it...) will know that I love commenting on the happenings around us. Whether it be the election, the government and asylum seekers, or racism. Harry Potter, hip-pop, or my favourite movies. Today is different. Today is all about me. Bar humbug. _grin_

As this year comes to a close, I've had some time to look back on things, talk with a few people, and the conclusions are starting to form. I'm possibly repeating myself too. But it's all strange...all strange.

This year has been the best year at uni for me. Period. For those who know me, my marks are only _just_ average, and that's seriously speaking. So now that my marks are where I wanted them to be at the start of this year, I'm on one hand glad to have reached that seemingly elusive goal. On the other hand, the fact that the job market seems to be in turmoil, will probably mean that the mark that I once thought would have been enough probably isn't.

I've been focussing for a career in Information Systems, and now it seems like it's just not going to happen. Not to be TOO pessimistic, but it's not looking good. I have received enough rejection letters this year to form a rejection diary, and for those who think that the pain lessens with each one? It doesn't. I still feel worth that little bit less each time, no matter who sends it. So I've been thinking and exploring the non-conventional. Writing. Journalism. Public Service. Teaching. The less glamorous and secure paths that only people supremely confident in their abilities take on. Or those who seemingly don't have much of a choice. Not to say that they aren't mutually exclusive possibilites. Personally, I'm hoping for a bottle of supreme confidence for Christmas...sounds like a new cologne eh?

Looking back, the first few years of uni for me were really just (mis)spent running around, trying to be cool, being too caught up in what everyone else was doing. This year at uni has been very different. Being forced to think outside the traditional 3D social cube of friends, family and relationships has been exciting, yet at the same time trying. I've been heavily involved in uni volunteer activities, I've become president of a club on campus (that's MOSAIC for those who don't know), and I've managed to land myself a job writing for the University magazine Blitz. Very fulfilling.

But at times, I feel very alone. I can't count the number of times my mother tells me I treat our house like a hotel, and how I never spend enough time with the family. Friends have been telling me I've been silent and out of touch. I'm still single.

Does that mean I regret things? Of COURSE not. Nothing is regretted, and nothing would be changed. This is not some self-pity post. Nor does this mean that I am abandoning any other possibilites.

"Be like water my friend, be like water" - Bruce Lee.