Things I've Learned

Currently Listening To :: Sunday Morning :: Maroon 5

Back on deck from my recent trip to Singapore, Malaysia, and back to Singapore again, it's been a week since I re-touched back down in Sydney. In that time, I've had a lot of time battling post-holiday depression, trying to get myself back into work and, of course, catching up with friends and loved ones.

But first, a quick recap on a fews I learned on my recent trip. Paying homage again to my favourite magazine Esquire (which my babe Addy so thoughtfully surprised me with to read on my flight), here is yet another edition , in no particular order, of Ben's Things I've Learned:

1. I'm scared of Singaporean women. Well, maybe that's a little extreme, but if you've ever caught a taxi home drunk and stumbled to the door to find some girl who's been waiting to "talk things over" at 4am (4AM!!), it can all be a bit much. Thankfully, I was comatose when this happened, but I would have gladly staggered out of bed to throw up again to watch what unfolded. So am I scared? Not really. Am I concerned about the possibilities? You can bet a bottle of Belvedere on that.

2. Havianas in humid climates are for looking good in and standing comfortably. Not for serious walking. Not for running. Just for lounging and looking good.

3. Mosquitos are just that little more persistant in Asia. You think they won't suck face? Think again.

4. I think that the best job a young man can have in Singapore is to work in an LV or Gucci store. Besides the usual benefits of a decent job, women will be throwing themselves at you like sumo wrestlers to get discounted luxury items. And what with sales, it's like all your Christmas' coming at once.

5. Speaking of coming at Christmas, it's amazing what you find in the Esquire Men's Marketplace Gift Guide. With the tagline of "Multiple Bi-Partisan Climaxes", the liberator range makes a compelling argument for investing in a gift that keeps on giving.

6. When Singaporean academics start writing about the dynamics of shopping and shoppers themselves in a work the size of a short novel, you know this is more then a passing fad. I was tempted to buy the book, but I was too busy thinking about what else to buy; I just couldn't concentrate.

7. Everyone in Malaysia and Singapore has a different idea of where the "best chicken rice in (insert SEA nation) is". In the words of my cousin Derek, "the chicken should be plump, the rice should be oily, and the soup should be peppery and full of dumplings". Anyone with other vital criteria, please let me know so I can add them to the list. Any longer over there and I'd have the basis for the definitive work on the subject.

8. For what it's worth, I think the best Chicken Rice in the Lion City is at the Chiew Kee Noodle House on Cross St near Chinatown. This is of course not to be confused with the Chew Kee Eating House, just a handful of stores down the street. Based on the criteria in number 7, their rice had all the right stuff in spades.

9. Life in Asia generally requires a lot of restraint. Going out, eating out, shopping, drinking; I've heard of people freezing their credit cards in blocks of ice, but how bad can it be you ask? Just ask Karyn I guess.

10. Money talks, but in Asia it talks a lot louder then most other places. Pulling out that gold card is like whipping out a megaphone; shop assistants flock like starving birds who have sited a stray piece of roti. Platinum card holders beware; your roti has some dahl curry on top.

11. SMS is how it's done in Singapore. Go to any restuarant, and you'll see couples with at least one party sending an SMS to someone at any given time. No one talks. It probably explains why the Singaporean Social Development Unit has been getting so many lovebytes lately. A world of possibilities, indeed.

12. Like any nagging stain, the best way to work through post-holiday depression is the thought of more holidays. Wash, rinse, repeat people. Wash, rinse, repeat.